Pregnancy Diary

((I wrote these at 3 different points during my pregnancy with Kaylee. As a notation, they changed my due date quite a few times, so there are inconsistencies when I talk about how many weeks I have left.))

I’ve never looked forward to anything as much as I’m looking forward to meeting you. I’ve never seen you before but I know without a doubt that I’ll love you unconditionally. No matter what you do, no matter what happens, I’ll always love you. I never thought I could feel something that would be more important than everything else… Something so important it changed who I am. But since I got pregnant, I have changed. An instinct to take care of myself has kicked in. I don’t even want to do all the destructive things I used to do. I know if I eat or drink anything unhealthy or do anything dangerous that won’t effect just me anymore. It’s amazing the amount of self control I have now that I know I have to protect you. It’s something I’ve never had the willpower to do before, for myself or anyone else. I’m not even afraid of getting blood tests anymore. I just know it’s necessary for your health and I want to do it. It heals me so much to feel the love I have for you and to know I can love something more than myself. I may be young, and I may be flawed, but I know I will be a good mother to you. I’ll do anything for you. And I think, I hope, that will make up for my lack of experience. Even if I am a bad person… I can still be a good mother. And I promise you, I will be.


20 week sonogram. It's a girl!

Only about 8 more weeks until I have you! We don’t know the exact date but you could come at any time in the last part of December or the first part of January. I’m so excited and impatient. I’m not even nervous about giving birth. Somehow I think I’ll be able to have a natural birth and everything will be perfect. That could change when I go into labor, of course, but I think I’ll stay confident. I know for sure that no matter what kind of birth I have, I’ll get you in the end. That’s enough to make it perfect no matter how it goes. Right now I can feel you kicking and moving inside me. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world. It’s hard to imagine how I’ll feel when I finally get to hold you and see you.


Daddy and baby belly. <3

I’m washing all the newborn clothes I have for you today. It seems like we’re set for the first 6 months, if not the first year. I have 2 loads of just newborn stuff to do! We’ve hardly had to buy anything yet. The universe is seeming to send us everything we need. I’m really happy. I have a really good feeling about this. A really trusting feeling, like I know everything will work out. I’m starting to get so impatient though. I think I’m a little manic or this is the nesting instinct they talk about. I can’t sleep and all I want to do is get ready for you. I don’t want you to be born until at least 37 weeks, and that’s still somewhere around 8 weeks away, but I’m already packing the labor bag. I wish you could come out early and have no health problems. 9 months is way too long to be pregnant! I knew before I got pregnant that waiting would be the hardest part and I was right. Everyone tells me that pregnancy is stressful and painful and all kinds of crap like that. But it’s fine. I love being pregnant. The morning sickness was annoying of course, and now that I’m bigger I can’t move around easily, but all in all it’s good. I love growing you, and feeling you move around in my tummy. I can even see the movements on my skin. I don’t even mind people asking me questions or touching my stomach. I thought I would hate that. But I’m so excited and happy I’m willing to share it with everyone. And I don’t care at all about people judging me. When I first started showing, I did, but now all I know is I’m happy. I just can’t wait to meet you!


From before I started showing, through the pregnancy, to after I gave birth!

Click here to read the birth story!

Comments

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