Autumn (and Depression)

I love Autumn. The smells, seeing the leaves change, wearing sweaters and jeans, playing outside in the brisk air... It's a beautiful time of year.

This Autumn, I found out I was pregnant. After months of trying, wishing, praying... I can't tell you how happy I was to see that positive test. Every time I think of it growing inside my belly, safe and protected, I feel so lucky and blessed. I'm so thankful for every day of morning sickness. So thankful for every day that passes and I see no blood, the fear of losing this one disappears a little bit more.

Then Steven and I had our third wedding anniversary yesterday. I'm amazed that we've been married 3 years and together for 4 and a half! I'm amazed that every time I look at him, I feel any negative feelings I may be harboring slip away. His voice makes me feel calm. His laugh makes me feel happy. Just chatting or watching tv with him and I feel how much I am in love with him. 3 years of marriage has only made me love him more. I can't believe I was lucky enough to meet him.

Thanksgiving is coming up. I love Thanksgiving. My aunts are coming in from Tennessee, I can't wait to see them. And I can't wait to eat all of that yummy food, especially my mom's homemade gravy! I eat that stuff every single year, even the years I was a vegetarian.

After that, it will be my birthday. Presents, cake, everyone treating me special. What's not to like? I'll be 24 which isn't that exciting but hey it's another year I've been here, endured, learned, grew, and matured. I will never not feel like celebrating that!

Mom and I hope to have the business up and going by the New Year. Her mouth is healing nicely from the dental surgery and she's back up and on her feet. We're about to start ordering the supplies and clothes. I'm pretty excited, I have a lot of ideas and can't wait to see how they work out.

Despite all the good things going on, I've been having a bad couple of days, bi-polar wise. I'm waiting for the upswing and just fighting the depression with all I have. I am not letting it get to the point of severe depression this Fall and Winter. The cold months usually get me down and this year, I swear, I'm just NOT going to let it. I am blessed with so much and I just don't accept that an invisible disease is going to stop me from enjoying it all.


Michael Ann said…
Camille, this is a really uplifting post. I'm glad your pregnancy is going well. I have suffered many miscarriages and I know that fear for the next one. I'm sure this one is going to be fine, it is going so well. Sorry you are feeling the depression creep up. I like your positive attitude, but if you have some bad days, remember it is not something you are causing. You are a good person with a tough illness to deal with.

Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy the turkey and gravy!
It's such a blessing for you to be able to have another baby. Wow, 24? I wish I could be that age again. LOL! Hope you get to plan something special. :)
Shaylen Maxwell said…
Congrats on your pregnancy! I am too, currently! & still battling a rough case of postpartum anxiety. : )
Viki said…
Your post is very uplifting.
I have days where I get depressed for no reason, and Its so hard to get over it and have fun with my family. Your right, we shouldn't let this stuff get us down. We have so much to be thankful for!
Krystyn said…
Congrats on your pregnancy and upcoming anniversary.

I hope you can continue to focus on all of those things you are thankful for, and maybe that will be the pull "out" you need?

What business are you and the mom starting?
oomph. said…
you have so many great things going for you...just keep those things in mind :)

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