Dear Kaylee Rebecca

You are officially 2 and a half now. 30 months. It sounds so old.

I look at you, sleeping, and it hits be just how much of a big girl you are. You are so tall, so strong. You amaze me every day with how smart you are. It mystifies me when I think that you grew inside me, and now you are a person. A unique, intelligent, joyful, stubborn, creative, ENERGETIC person! It's a miracle.

When I think of how lucky I am to be your mom, it blows my mind. It makes me tear up thinking about the tiny newborn you were, and dreaming about the adult you will one day become. It is the greatest gift I could ask for to get to take care of you every day and watch you grow up. And you are growing up so fast!

I can't believe you are singing songs, counting, and starting to say your ABCs. It's bittersweet to know that I don't have to carry you around anymore and you can do most things by yourself. I treasure this time where you still reach for me to hold your hand, to help you climb the stairs, and go up ladders at the park. You are so independent by nature, just like me, but I hope we will still be close as you grow up.

Having you has made me grow as a person. I truly love myself, because I am your mom; and I must have done something amazingly right, because you have turned out absolutely perfect. If I am proud of one thing about myself, it is that I have raised such a beautiful little girl, and she is happy and healthy.

Seeing how much you and your dad love each other is so special to me. Watching you play together gives me such a feeling of warmth and peace. I thought I was in love with him before we had you, but that love deepened so much after going through pregnancy, birth, and parenthood together. I am so glad we can give you a loving family to grow up in, and give you so many of the things I didn't have.

I pray that I will be able to walk the line between being a mom and friend to you. I pray that I will protect you, yet still let you grow and be your own person. I pray that you have your father's health, because I constantly feel guilty that you will inherit my bad teeth, allergies, and other issues.

I love you, sweetie. I am so grateful for you, every second of every day. Every time you learn a new skill, or ask me an unexpected question, or say, "I love you, Mommy," my heart feels like it will burst. I know if you read all my letters to you later you will think they are cheesy, but I just want you to know 100% without a doubt that I have always and will always love you. No matter what, Kaylee Baylee. <3

Love, Mommy

Steven, being silly. <3

Kaylee, wearing pig tails for the first time!! *dies from cuteness overload*

My favorite pair of doggies, taking a break from mischief making.

She's even cute in low quality black and white picture. =D

Gah, All My Images Got Deleted!

I was stupid and deleted my albums on G+ and I didn't realize it would delete them here. And I didn't have back ups, of course! Why am I so dumb?! I re-made my banner and icons but they don't look as good. I need to find someone with graphics skills to make some new ones for me...

On the plus side, (TMI WARNING) I got my period! I haven't had it since the miscarriage about 4 months ago. In my mind, this means I will ovulate and conceive in 2 weeks, then get a positive pregnancy test 2 weeks after that. I am absolutely manic and unrealistic about it. But we have a SUPER busy August so hopefully that will distract me from obsessing about it.

It's The Little Things

Cicadas buzzing and birds chirping.
The sun coming in the window.
Morning cuddles.
Sleepy smiles.
"Good morning, Mommy!"

Soft, messy hair.
Food on her chin.
Silly grins.
Infectious laughter.
Holding hands.

Watching bugs.
Walking barefoot on the grass.
Watching the dogs play with each other.
Snuggling on the couch.
Having a tea party.

Her sweet little voice.
Talking to her doll.
Trying to sing hot cross buns.
Randomly saying, "I love you, Mama."
Telling me she misses Daddy when he's at work.

Watching her finish a puzzle by herself.
Counting to 10 together.
"Super hugs" when Daddy gets home.
Watching her play with her dad and seeing how much they love each other.
Going to the duck pond as a family.

Bedtime stories.
A peaceful house.
A perfect, beautiful, sleeping little girl.
An amazing, sleeping, but still cuddle-able husband.
Two snoring dogs (and a nice, loud bathroom fan)!


I got my Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD in the mail last week. I've been wanting to start it but I've felt horrible. This antibiotic doesn't agree with me at all. But it's always something, so I just thought, suck it up! And I did the first work out last night. YAY! I'm sorry but I feel pretty proud of myself because I finished it even though I was panting like an obese person and I was interrupted quite a few times. If I can do it, I swear, ANYONE CAN DO IT!!!!! My mom brought Kaylee back after like 5 minutes, but luckily took her back to her house for 20 minutes so I did get to finish. Aries peed on the floor, for NO REASON, when I was RIGHT THERE, and had JUST LET HIM OUT! That dog tries my patience!!!! I told myself, no, I am working out right now! I care about my health more than this carpet! So then I finished the work out, though I did have to run into the bathroom and find the heaviest lotion bottles to use as weights... I need to pick up some 5 pound weights. (They have them at the dollar store!) But yeah, I love this DVD so much. It cost like $13, I forget how much exactly, and the workouts are just 20 minutes a day. And there are 3 levels of workouts. This is great! I can do this! This time I will actually do this!!!! =D

Night and Day

Kaylee nurses night and day
She nurses when we're at a play
She nurses when we're on a train
She nurses when we're on a plane

Kaylee nurses when she's sick
My milk makes her better quick
Whenever she is sad or hurt
All I have to do is lift my shirt

No one can ever intervene
I'll nurse her til she wants to wean
We don't care what they may say
Kaylee nurses night and day!

Click here to go to the rest of my poetry. :)

One Root Canal Down

One to go. Then 3 fillings.

I am so happy that at least 1 side of mouth is not in pain anymore. It felt like a major life event like getting married or having a baby or Guild Wars 2 coming out. Yes, I'm a geek. =D

The pain that I am in is intermittent but when it's bad it's REALLY bad. Like worse than breaking my arm. Worse than labor. I'd rather give birth naturally, to twins, than have 5 minutes of this tooth pain!

I am so grateful to my grandma for paying for this dental work. She's putting out around 3k for this. She isn't expecting me to pay her back but hopefully I can within a year. I love her so much, she always takes care of me.

Steven has been so supportive through all this. I've been sick, in pain, depressed, and extremely bitchy for a months now. He picks up the slack, takes care of Kaylee whenever he is not at work, and constantly tries to cheer me up. He's the best husband ever. I don't know how I could have lived through these last few months without him.

This Moment - Kaylee Singing A Song For The First Time

A Friday ritual (inspired by SouleMama).
A single photo--no words--capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your "moment" in the comments for all to find and see.

This time I'm breaking the rules and posting a video instead. =)

*Steven singing* Little bunny foo foo
I don't want to see you
*Kaylee singing* Little bunny foo foo
I don't want to see you
Scooping up the field mice
And bopping 'em on the head
I'll give you 3 more chances
And if you don't behave
You're a goon, mama!

I Didn't Know Mommy Brain Could Get This Bad

Today, I was watching a movie with my husband. I glanced over at the bedroom, listening for our daughter, because I expected her to wake up soon.

"Steven, the door is wide open, can you close it so we don't wake Kaylee up?"

*awkward moment* Steven looks at me like I've lost my mind. I laugh sheepishly.

Kaylee's laying in my lap, nursing. She woke up like 15 minutes ago...

This Moment - It's A Miracle, They're All Calm At The Same Time

A Friday ritual (inspired by SouleMama).
A single photo--no words--capturing a moment from the week.
A simple, special, extraordinary moment.
A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your "moment" in the comments for all to find and see.


If You Are Following Me...

Can you tell me your blog url so I can follow back? As far as I can tell, when I click on a follower, there's no link back to their blog. o_O

Thanks. =)

Oh and also, I realized I'm already following 300 blogs, so I am going through them and deleting some. Then I will add everyone I said I had added / would add.

Breastmilk For Grandma

Since becoming a mom, I've been surprised to learn that there are other uses for breastmilk besides feeding a baby. Aside from being great for stuffy noses and goopy eyes, I have been reading that it can be beneficial to cancer patients! So now I am donating my milk to my grandma, who has a rare slow-growing type of lung cancer. She's 92 and still active, despite having a collapsed lung and going through radiation treatments earlier this year. She thinks the whole drinking my milk thing is weird, but finally agreed and grudgingly admitted that is tastes ok, doesn't upset her stomach (most things do), and may be helping boost her immune system (she fought off pneumonia and hasn't had another bout for months). I am so glad I can help her in any small way. Not to go off on a tangent, but she helped my mom raise my brother and me, since our dad wasn't around, and she is so special to me. One of my favorite things in the world is seeing her play with my daughter. When they are together, Grandma seems to have a renewed energy, and the depression and anger she has about the cancer disappears. I'm so glad I had Kaylee early enough for her to know and love her great-grandma. She calls her "Geegee" and Grandma calls Kaylee "Kitten" or "Ketzela" (Yiddish for kitten). It's so sweet to see their special affection, when during the pregnancy I was worried they wouldn't have time, and/or Grandma wouldn't have the emotional energy, for them to really bond.

Giant Bugs

A big, shiny, green beetle and a butterfly (moth?). I thought the butterfly was fake because it was so huge, until I poked it and it walked and fluttered. I guess it was dying and couldn't fly away. =( Look at those thick legs! Reminds me of my old tarantula.

Homemade Beach =)

So the sandbox got left out in the rain and Kaylee loved it. We played in it all morning. Steven was mowing the lawn and then she wanted to ride with him, and he took her for a ride even though she was soaking wet hahah.