You know what? New beginnings don't always have to start January 1. I feel like my New Year started on January 14. After a horrible Friday the 13, (coincidence, probably...), the next day really felt like a new time in my life. After the crazy day before where I lost 2 friends and had a fight with my grandma, I made some realizations.
My husband is really awesome. Ok, I already knew that. But that night, when he made me feel better after an AWFUL day, I was reminded... I am just so lucky to have someone who always knows how to make me feel better. After I was calmed down, the conversation headed off in another direction, and we decided to try again for another baby. =) =)
So then, the next day, my Grandma came over and I made up with her. I think hanging up on her actually helped our relationship. She realized I can't handle her yelling at me over not calling her and that's why I don't call her very often. It's a bad cycle. I think/hope she will remember this for at least a few weeks before she gets back into her old ways. I know I'm going to remind her more firmly from now on. Not yell and hang up on her per se, but just not putting up with it like I usually do, and telling her it's not ok and to stop.
Ever since that day, I'm had really strong sense of closure for the 2 friends I lost. I feel like I really tried my best to make it work and there was nothing more I could do. It's like a huge sense of relief to let them go now. I have been friends with them, on and off, for like 5 or 6 years. They were huge stressers for me this whole time and I really feel like I will have a lot less bi-polar episodes now that they are out of the picture.
Life has been pretty awesome the past few days. I hope it keeps up. I'm thrilled to be feeling optimistic about life again. And so excited to start trying for a baby again!