10 Things Guys Should Do When Their Wife Is Pregnant

1. Gain lots of weight so she feels better about getting fat. Either that or lose any extra weight you may have and get really muscular. Ask her which she prefers.

2. Shower once every 2 hours. After each shower, apply liberal amounts of unscented deoderant to your armpits AND feet. Then brush your teeth for 10 minutes straight.

3. Massage her entire body from shoulders to feet nightly. But do not expect it to lead to anything sexual.

4. When she throws up, bring her crackers and water. Do not, under any circumstances, say "Ew."

5. Whenever you notice her looking in the mirror, tell her she looks like a glowing pregnant goddess.

6. Read every parenting book she reads and casually mention facts that you've learned.

7. Do romantic things like bring her flowers, take her out on dates, clean the house, and run to Taco Bell at midnight when she has a craving for tacos.

8. If she curses / hits you / yells at you, etc. just remember that this is half your fault and she has to do 100% of the suffering. That's her only way of sharing the suffering with you. It's really a nice gesture if you think about it, because now you can feel more involved.

9. Go to every single prenatal appointment. Shed a tear when you see the ultrasound. Get extremely excited no matter what the gender is. Oh and act interested whenever she brings up baby names, even if that is every single night.

10. Basically, whatever she wants, do it. Even if it makes absolutely no sense to you. If you follow all of these rules, you may receive a special reward in bed at the end of the day. Just be aware that the reward may be waiting for the baby to kick for a half an hour, stroking your wife's hair as she weeps and talks in depth about the miracle of life for an hour, then falls asleep while snoring in your ear.


Carole said…
Great post. You write very well.
So sweet and funny :). Makes me miss being pregnant- and having a hubs by my side.
Cathenia McNitt said…
Too cute. I'd make my hubby do all those things if he were here. Alas, the army has him right now.
Lindsey said…
Funny list! :)
Emily said…
And #11: Take over all homekeeping activities during the pregnancy and for the three months following babies birth.

Thanks so much for stopping by the Super Stalker Sunday hop this week! Hope you discover a few new-to-you blogs!

Have a great weekend!
Nan Bennett said…
New follower from Blog hop, hope you follow back.
Have a nice day.
The Mom said…
LOL, I love it! I would also add that once they learn this list, toss it out, because it will be totally different the next time around. ;o) Have you noticed many differences between your first and second pregnancies?
AudreyN said…
So very, very true! Although I would add, when the baby hasn't shown up yet, don't complain or ask every 5 minutes why I haven't had a baby yet, its annoying.... I obviously am done being pregnant
Ochi Bernadas said…
Hey, I'm a new follower! I was laughing the whole time while reading this. If my boyfriend and I get married in the near future, I'll keep this handy! Lol.

Visit my blog if you have time! :)

This list made me laugh! I would especially appreciate the book reading and massage ones. :) Only 5 weeks to go until we meet baby #2!
S. Franklin said…
So funny and yet so true! My hubs was the best through my pregnancies. Made me love him that much more :)
Jessica.B said…
LOVED this post :D I believe this should be a contract for every man to sign when his wife/girlfriend is expecting. Especially love #8. Thank you for sharing again through the Archive link up :D

{Sugar in My Grits}
Debbie said…
This is really really funny! I love #3 lol
Angel Tanedo said…
@Debbie I like no. 3 too.. ha ha ha

yay! its really funny and i shed a lil tear after I read it and smilin at the same time.. i havent gone through all the stuff of mommyhood yet since I just got married. but i know in time it will all come.. and Camille I will have to print this and let my husband read it! seriously! ha ha ha

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