I Went To The Gym Today...

...and signed up for a 90 day fitness challenge! I'm pretty excited. It's going to feel so great to be exercising again. Although I may not be able to finish it if I get pregnant in the next few months, that's no reason to hold off. I shouldn't let my health suffer just because I might get pregnant. I admit I was looking at it as a waste of time and thinking it would be better to wait until I am done having babies, but that is just silly. I deserve to feel and look good now. Pregnancy and birth will probably be easier on my body if I'm in shape too. Plus, working out has an immediate effect on my mental health. On days that I work out, I am happier. I think good diet and regular exercise are really underrated treatments for bi-polar. I'll start doing weekly pictures and measurements starting tomorrow! Or Wednesday, since it's the first day of the challenge thingy. =)

Chicory Root (Ingredient Found In Fiber One Products) Associated With Miscarriage

I just found out that Chicory Root is associated with uterine contractions and miscarriage. I don't think there is any scientific proof of this but I feel like I'd just like to be on the safe side, personally. I am kind of disappointed that Fiber One does not have any notation on their products starting that it shouldn't be eaten when pregnant. Chicory root extract is the very first ingredient of a granola bar that I eat regularly. I'm glad my mom brought this to my attention... Since we are TTC, I'm going to stop eating those immediately, and check any new foods I eat for it. It may very well be in other brands of granola bars. I'm not sure if I'm imagining this but I think it's in Clif and/or Luna Bars, too. =/

It's Finally Sinking In...

...that Kaylee is turning 3 in just 3 days!!!!!! We took her out to her first movie last weekend; Beauty and the Beast in 3D! She did great. She loved the movie and totally understood the story. We spent a couple hours at the mall beforehand and she was so well-behaved. We were just so proud of her for not having any accidents (I don't want to curse it but we put undies on her about a week and a half ago and no accidents yet!!) and just being such a good girl in general. It was a really awesome afternoon/evening together as a family. On the way home, Steven and I couldn't stop talking about how much fun having a kid is. I miss the baby stage a lot, so it's bittersweet for me, I don't know about him. I miss breastfeeding now, even though I was so happy that the "don't offer, don't refuse" thing was leading quickly to her self-weaning. Sometimes, I even get really sad that she sleeps through the night! I know, I'm crazy!! But it is really exciting to see Kaylee growing up and entering a whole new stage in life. I remember 3 years ago, starting off as young parents, just trying to do the best we could for our new little family. It seems like just yesterday, it really does...

Flashback Friday - My Fashion Sense Has Always Been Awesome

Flashback Friday is where I post an old photo. :) It may be from 6 months ago or from 60 years ago. It may be me, my family, or possibly just something random. If you have something similar on your blog, please comment and link me to it!

No comment.

All white with rainbow socks = win.

If I was my mom, I'd run far far away, not take a picture.

I don't even know what's going on here.

The tie-dye short set with the shorts pulled up to my ribs... Unfortunately not a one time occurrence.

If you didn't know by now, my mom ran a tie-dye business when I was growing up.

Yes, I went to school dressed like this.

I went through a stage where I'd only wear overalls. This was right after the stage where I'd only wear old-fashioned dresses with petticoats. I couldn't find a picture of that...

Backwards cap with un-brushed hair...

No comment.

This is my elementary school graduation. x_X

This is my dressing as a boy phase. This was a very long stage. (PS That is a cow I sponsored for many years, Dolly, and I went to The Farm Sanctuary in New York to meet her! :)

I'm on the left. On the right is my best friend, Eva, and there's my little brother, Zeke, who didn't want to be left out. I'm so going to post this on Facebook and embarrass them in a second.

I dyed that outfit as a tiger costume for Halloween... And then wore it as a regular outfit until I outgrew it. (PS That is my old dog, Sombie, RIP. <3)

We didn't play cowboys and Indians. We just played Indians. And we went ALL OUT.

I don't even know.

And all through my teenage years, I wore jeans and GIANT t-shirts and/or sweatshirts lol. I was not very popular at school. (Those 2 adorable little boys are my brothers. =)

Potty Training and Other Stuff

So I'd just like to announce that Kaylee has been in underwear for 3 days now... No accidents in the car, at school, at home, or even in bed at night! I was reluctant to take the leap and trust her in underwear because I am lazy and don't like cleaning up pee. But I should have done this earlier. She's been ready. Her teachers have been nagging me to and they were excited when we told them she was coming in underwear lol. I kept thinking I was being nice to them and giving them less work to do but guess not.

Ok I read this blog post last night and I was laughing harder than I have in like years. I read it again this morning because I left it up and it was almost as funny. I forced my husband to read it and told him I want him to say things like that to me regularly next time I got pregnant. He thinks I'm insane. But that's nothing new. =)

My baby girl is turning 3 in a week. I'm in very very deep denial. I literally don't believe it!!

Wordless Wednesday =]

Molly Dolly and Arie Berry.

Aries trying to give Molly kisses lol.

I turned around because I heard Kaylee saying, "Molly, be still, let me take your picture!" and this is what I saw. Poor dog hahahah.

Kaylee's new princess camera lol.

Look at her cute ponytail! And Steven's face lol.

Putting on my pajama pants. xD

Insert Awesome Title Here

Hotmail has been having an error every 5 seconds whenever I try to check my email, so I'm just now commenting people back who have commented me in the past... I don't know. Things have been kind of hectic, lol.

You know what? New beginnings don't always have to start January 1. I feel like my New Year started on January 14. After a horrible Friday the 13, (coincidence, probably...), the next day really felt like a new time in my life. After the crazy day before where I lost 2 friends and had a fight with my grandma, I made some realizations.

My husband is really awesome. Ok, I already knew that. But that night, when he made me feel better after an AWFUL day, I was reminded... I am just so lucky to have someone who always knows how to make me feel better. After I was calmed down, the conversation headed off in another direction, and we decided to try again for another baby. =) =)

So then, the next day, my Grandma came over and I made up with her. I think hanging up on her actually helped our relationship. She realized I can't handle her yelling at me over not calling her and that's why I don't call her very often. It's a bad cycle. I think/hope she will remember this for at least a few weeks before she gets back into her old ways. I know I'm going to remind her more firmly from now on. Not yell and hang up on her per se, but just not putting up with it like I usually do, and telling her it's not ok and to stop.

Ever since that day, I'm had really strong sense of closure for the 2 friends I lost. I feel like I really tried my best to make it work and there was nothing more I could do. It's like a huge sense of relief to let them go now. I have been friends with them, on and off, for like 5 or 6 years. They were huge stressers for me this whole time and I really feel like I will have a lot less bi-polar episodes now that they are out of the picture.

Life has been pretty awesome the past few days. I hope it keeps up. I'm thrilled to be feeling optimistic about life again. And so excited to start trying for a baby again!

"Each person must live their life as a model for others." - Rosa Parks

when was the last time you were a black woman, sitting at the front of the bus, waiting to be told to move or leave, just for being who you are?

when was the last time you got "randomly checked" at the airport, and they claimed it had nothing to do with the fact that you are middle eastern?

when was the last time you were afraid to go to school, because every single day you heard the same words that made you feel HURT, ANGRY, and FED UP? (fat / ugly / homo / stupid / weird / and worse )

when was the last time you felt like you could not do something you HAD to without everyone around you glancing away awkwardly? (take your inhaler / walk with crutches / ride in a wheel chair)

when was the last time you were the full time caretaker of an elderly or disabled family member and they kept embarrassing you in public? ...and everyone from friends to random people in public asked why you didn't "put them in a home?"

when was the last time you got pregnant at a young age and everyone in public always looked at you like you're just an irresponsible slut and you wanted to shout, "i am a responsible mother-to-be on her way to a prenatal appointment so can you just stop staring already?!"


that is the way breastfeeding moms feel.

when you tell a breastfeeding mom to just go into the other room to feed, you are segregating her. how is that any different from sending black people to the back of the bus?

how do you think it feels to know that people are thinking negative things about you whenever your baby cries and you do the most natural thing possible to feed and soothe him/her? (gross / sexual / awkward / wrong / weird / crazy activist)

how do you think it feels to be told to go into a dirty bathroom or a cold/hot car and be alone while you breastfeeding when you could have just lifted your shirt a little, popped the baby underneath, and had a nice, calm lunch with your family? how do you think it feels to come back inside, have missed all the conversation, and have to gobble cold food while your mom watches your now energized baby?

how do you think it feels to be expected to buy a freaking expensive breast pump, learn to use it, and pray that you can produce milk that way. (personally, i never could get an ounce out!) then store the milk in baggies, refridgerate it when you go out (in a small cooler you also have to purchase), and bring a bottle warmer with you (you have to buy that, and batteries for it). OR just put it in a bottle and hope that your baby finishes the milk you worked so hard and paid so much money to get into that bottle before it goes bad. and also hope that your baby accepts the bottle nipple and temperature of the milk without crying his little head off so people end up staring at you like you're a bad mom. plus, paying for bottles and nipples when you are only breastfeeding is expensive and pointless. and formula is darn expensive and can upset a breastfed baby's tummy for DAYS.

i am SO truly happy for the breastfeeding moms who have no problem feeding their babies only in private or giving them a bottle of formula or pumped milk. sadly, that doesn't work out for everyone. the difference is, it should be the mom's choice of how and when they feed their baby. not the general public's. i'm sorry but i'm more worried about myself and my baby's comfort, not some random guy sitting in the next table over. he's probably fat and ugly and i don't want to see him in public either, but i have to anyway.

so, you want to know how it feels to be a breastfeeding mom? it feels like DISCRIMINATION. it feels awful. and it doesn't have a word like racism, homophobia, etc. but it's just as bad. we are told it makes others uncomfortable, but being discriminated against makes US feel uncomfortable!

for whatever reason you feed your baby in whatever way that you do, you should not be made to feel bad for it. having children is challenging enough without that crap!

please, people. don't contribute to the problem. DON'T HATE, DON'T DISCIMINATE! next time you see a nursing mom or a picture of a nursing mom just remember: we are normal people, too. and if it makes you feel better, just pretend there is a bottle in that baby's mouth, instead. we all have our own problems and we could all do without the ignorant judgment of others who have not walked in our shoes. we are all equal!!!!

why do i post these pictures? why do i breastfeed in public? the same reason rosa parks sat down at the front of the bus and refused to get up. i dream of the day when two moms can sit down, one can take out her boob, one can take out their bottle, and they can feed their babies together. different, but the same. ((and plus, i just wanna put a boob in my baby's mouth so she stops making that awful crying noise! =P))

peace. ♥

Yay, My Blog Is Back!

Apparently, I commented on another blog too quickly after I commented one blog, and my Google account was banned by their bots! But luckily, it has been resolved. Hooray for that! It's almost 3am here so I'm about to go to bed in a minute. I hope everyone had a better Friday than me and I hope everyone INCLUDING ME has a good weekend!! I didn't have this blog earlier to write in so I wrote in my LiveJournal. I guess I'll paste what I wrote there into here.

I don't really believe in Friday the 13th bringing bad luck or any superstitions in general. I didn't even know it was the 13th today until my husband just told me 1 minute ago. But I will say that today was an awful day.

My Google account was blocked yesterday and the issue was supposed to be resolved by this morning but it still isn't. So my blog is gone and I don't have a G+ anymore. Who knows when it will finally be resolved.

Then I had a fight with my friend, which isn't too surprising. I had just given the friendship another shot, which I have done countless times. It always ends the same way, although this was the worst time. He and his friend were annoying me so I said I would just talk to them later and I got offline. He texted me soon after, wanting to resolve it, and I told him I didn't want to be friends anymore. I told him I wasn't enjoying the friendship and I just didn't want to try to make it work anymore. I've been trying to make it work for literally years and we always fight. So he basically insulted me for the next half an hour or so in every which way he possibly could. He said I was unbalanced, immature, and I can't even remember all the things he called me. He even went so far as to tell me I had a loveless marriage and a broken family. I never said anything mean back. He ended his rant with cussing me out and calling me names and then left. So, that was great.

So then my OTHER friend texts me and says he's through with our friendship. I don't know what the heck is up with him. I really have no idea what's going through his mind because his 3-text long friendship-breakup made absolutely no sense. But then again, he does drugs, so what can you expect.

Then my grandma calls me and starts ranting about how I haven't called her lately and I was so stressed, I couldn't take it. After 15 minutes of her being angry with me, I couldn't handle it anymore and I hung up. She called me 20 times after that but I couldn't bring myself to answer.

Aaand I just had to clean out my dog's crate. He was diagnosed with tapeworms today so I gave him his medicine and he threw it up, along with his dinner and a bunch of stomach acid. So it took me a while to clean his create because it was all over the blanket, which is chewed up into this horrible mess, and then underneath it turns out he chewed up the bottom of the crate which is a plastic sheet/tray. I filled 3 trash bags before I was done. My allergies are going crazy now.

So yeah, I'm in a pretty bad mood. It's 18 minutes past midnight here so I'm hoping that means whatever bad luck today brought me is gone now. On the bright side, 2 friends who cause me stress are out of my life, and I'm sure my grandma will forgive me if I apologize and tell her what a bad day I had. And I did get a reminder that 2 of my other friends and my husband are always there for me to try and cheer me up when I'm down.

New Year's!

So, I coulda sworn I did a New Year's Post... I definitely planned one in my head... But it turns out, I didn't, from what I can see. Lol, I'm finally losing it! Or did that happen long ago. o_o So yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR'S, EVERYONE! What are your resolutions?? Mine is um... to not let things stress me out! Trust me, it's a really great resolution for me.

Family pic on New Year's Eve. =)
Yes, Erin the elephant is an important part of this family!

A couple piccy. <3

Us being silly. =P

New Year's party with my family hahah.

Uh oh, Grandma's drinking my Mike's Hard! xD

I could not get a freaking family pic, lol.
A wonderful pic of me, Kaylee, my cousin Gavin, and Grandma.

Uh oh, I think Grandma's hitting on Dave, must be the Mike's Hard. XDD

My cousin Bev and Grandma.

Steven (my husband) and Stephen (Bev's boyfriend) lol.

We all decided to draw a rough family tree... FYI: Family trees should NOT have diamonds! Hahahah. If you can't tell what it all means, basically, my Grandma and Grandpa are first cousins. xP

The end of the night couple picture....... XD It was a fun night.