Thankful Thursday

I am thankful that time is passing quickly! I was worried this pregnancy would drag and drag, but I'm already in the second trimester, and it seems like I just found out I was prego! I hope it keeps up like this.

I am thankful that my awesome husband helped me clean the house yesterday. It was getting so trashed. I am OCD so it was seriously bothering me.

I'm so so so thankful that the pregnancy is going well. I find myself whispering thank you with tears in my eyes every time the baby flutters. This pregnancy has been an emotional roller coaster for me, but I'm glad I gave it one more shot. I went through a time when I was so afraid of miscarrying again, I started to plan on getting my tubes tied. Very thankful I didn't do that!!

And as always, I'm thankful for my daughter. I love that kid so much, every second of every day, even in the middle of a tantrum. No matter what is going on in my life, I can think of her and know that my life is actually pretty great.


Wordless Wednesday

She misses Daddy when he's at work.

He gets home at 11pm...

She has made it her mission to stay awake to see him.

While I find it pretty annoying that she will not sleep...

Her happiness to see him is usually so cute that I forget all about it lol.

Nursing Pooh Bear LOL.

Calm and relaxed... Wait, this happened?

A spider that lives on my ceiling. I am always the one to take care of bugs in the house and I told Steven he can get it this time. So... It's still there. xD

Kaylee's aliens, apparently their names are Undy and Panty lol!

Click here for a list of Wednesday linkies and blog hops!

Pregnancy Update - 14 Weeks!

Ok, my iPod app tells me I am 14 weeks today. Yay yay yay!!!!!!

My other calendar says I have a couple more days to go, which is weird. I don't know which one is right but I'm gonna go with the one that gets me to the end faster LOL.

So, no sign of my symptoms letting up. I'm still pretty miserable, physically. But emotionally, I'm ecstatic! I've hit the second trimester, so my chance of miscarriage has gone down by a lot. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!

I love this little baby so much already. Since I found out I was pregnant, I've been pouring my heart into praying that he or she will not be taken from us. Every day I find myself dreaming of the day I will hold him or her in my arms; tears streaming down my face because I need so badly to believe that day will come.

I'm feeling more optimistic with every day. Especially because every night when I lay down, I feel those little flutters in my belly. I feel like he or she is telling me, don't worry mom! I am in here and I am ok.

I CAN'T WAIT for my ultrasound in less than 2 weeks!!! I will be on here the second I get home, sharing pictures and HOPEFULLY the gender, if they can tell what it is yet! So excited. :)

That's Pinteresting :3

Some of my latest pins. :)

Source: via Camille on Pinterest

Source: via Camille on Pinterest

Source: via Camille on Pinterest

Monday Blog Hop

I'm starting a blog hop next Monday, June 4, 2012, so please come back then and sign up! Hopefully, it will work out well, and I'll have it every Monday. :)

The First Trimester That WON'T END!!!!!!

When I was pregnant with Kaylee, I had a few weeks of morning sickness. I'd eat some toast and it would get better. Near the end, I had some puffy ankles and heartburn. I weighed a whopping 204 pounds right before I gave birth and I thought that was just absolutely HUGE. (Before I got pregnant I was 140.)

Ok this time.... THIS TIME. x_X I am nauseous. 24/7! My sense of smell is that of a bloodhound. I can smell my husband's feet from across the house. I can smell EVERYTHING! And it all makes me want to vomit.

I am e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d. I don't have enough energy to clean the house at all. As I'm writing this, behind me is a WRECKED living room, a kid in mismatched pjs and a messy face, and a husband who has pseudo pregnancy migraines or something ridiculous like that so he can't pick up the slack around here. I used to take a rest and blog. Now I take rests FROM blogging. Yep, sitting up tires me out.

I am 2 pounds away from surpassing my all time highest weight ever in my entire life. And I'm only 14 weeks along. You see, my coping mechanism for nausea is eating bland food all the time. All day long, stuffing my face with bread, crackers, etc. It's either that or puking to the point of dry heaves.

My skin is itchy and has horrible acne. My boobs hurt and itch. (WTF????) I drool constantly, which leads to wet pillows and spitting on people when I talk. If I eat anything that has any kind of flavor, I burp up this nasty acid stuff. Here is a shortened list of things that make me cry: my husband saying something sweet, my daughter smiling in her sleep, my daughter giving me a random hug, seeing babies, seeing puppies, seeing any sort of baby animal, Disney movies, and sad commercials. Oh and I have awful gas.

So I've heard that this is the magic week when first trimester symptoms fade away and you experience a wonderful time call the second trimester. I'm still waiting. My husband is also anxious for this time, because he is really tired of me telling him he smells and to step away from me because he cares deeply about my happiness and comfort. At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have 3 first trimesters.

/end angry prego rant

Happy Memorial Day!

I hope everyone has a nice Memorial Day, full of BBQ, swimming, family, and fun. :) And I hope we all take at least a moment to remember the ones who made so many sacrifices for their families and their country. After all, that is what Memorial Day is truly about!

Mommy and Me Monday

Last Week's Mommy & Me Monday

Blog Hop

So, I've decided I'm going to start a blog hop. I'm planning to have it be on Mondays.

Anyone have any tips for me?

So Happy

I found out I was pregnant with Kaylee when I was 20 years old. Steven was 18, lived 2 hours away from me, and we'd only known each other for a year. I lived with my mom in an anything but baby friendly house. I didn't have health insurance or a job. Steven didn't have a job either.

This time, when I found out I was pregnant, it was after more than a year of trying to conceive and 2 miscarriages. Steven and I are in their early twenties and we've been married for 3 years. He has a good job and we all have health insurance (except for recently when I did not have insurance because it was time to renew it and it took a few weeks to process).

During my pregnancy with Kaylee, I remember feeling like this. Full of love and joy, like I just can't wait to meet my baby and hold it in my arms. But the feeling is not exactly the same. When I was pregnant with Kaylee, there were so many unknowns. I was constantly stressed, trying to get everything ready, and worried that things wouldn't be set by the time she was born. Then there was the fact that everyone was judging me and I felt a huge pressure to prove to everyone else and myself that we'd be good parents.

I do look back on the pregnancy fondly, because I was growing our beautiful daughter in my belly. I loved feeling her kick, seeing her on the sonogram, finding out she was a girl. I loved seeing Steven step up and finish high school, get his license, and drive up to be with me as soon as he could. I think during that pregnancy is when I truly fell in love with him. But at the same time... When I think back on that time, I think of stress. I was miserable a lot of the time, so worried about being a good mom, and feeling guilty for getting pregnant when we weren't prepared. Especially the first and second trimester, when Steven had not yet moved in with me, I felt so alone and depressed.

This pregnancy, I'm appreciating it so much more. Stress is not overshadowing the joy. I love knowing that we planned this baby together and we can go through every step of it together. I'm really grateful that I get to experience pregnancy again in a much more positive way. And it's a huge relief to not be judged by anyone and everyone. It's more accepted and "normal" for me to be pregnant now. I know I shouldn't care what others think so much, but that can be very hard for me, especially when I have a lot of insecurities and think that everyone may be right.

I've come so far from the girl I used to be. I only wish I could go back and tell myself that things would be ok. I wish I could have given myself a glimpse of the amazing life I have today.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful that...

My husband respects me as an equal and is so helpful when I'm not feeling well.
This pregnancy is going well.
My mom thought of me and dropped off some breakfast for me this morning.
My 3 year old is so patient and mature about me having to rest so much.
The weather is warming up. I get so depressed by the end of winter!

What are you thankful for? :)

48 Things :D

1. What time did you get up this morning? Like noon lol.

2. How do you like your steak? I don't really eat steak but if I do I'm not picky. As long as it's not bloody.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I believe it was Beauty and the Beast, over 4 months ago for Kaylee's birthday lol. I need to get out more.

4. What is your favourite TV show? True Blood, Buffy, The X Files, Bones, a bunch of other stuff... Don't judge me. >_>

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Somewhere on a farm.

6. What did you have for breakfast? Waffles with butter and jam.

7. What is your favorite food? I dunno, I really like corn bread...

8. Foods you dislike? Tomatoes.

9. Favorite place to eat? Chipotle.

10. Favorite dressing? Creamy Caesar.

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? Well we have a minivan but I don't really drive it.

12. What are your favorite clothes? Pajamas. >_>

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Everywhere!

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Full. But instead of being optimistic about things, I more try to remain neutral and assure myself that I'll be ok either way. If that makes sense.

15. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere peaceful.

16. Favorite time of day? Depends on the day. =P

17. Where were you born? Maryland.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? None really.

19. What is your favorite fragrance? I don't wear anything.

20. What is your favorite face cream? Does Aveeno lotion count.

21. Favorite baby/kids products? Books. :)

22. People watcher? Not really.

23. Are you a morning or night person? It really depends.

24. Do you have any pets? Two dogs, a chinchilla, and a hamster!

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Um, I didn't vomit today? LOL.

26. What did you want to be when you were little? Either a cop, a vet, a dog trainer, or an author. I remember after I watched G. I. Jane, I wanted to join some part of the army.

27. What is your favorite memory? Well there are many. All are when I was with family or friends. <3

28. Are you a cat or dog person? Dog; I do love cats but I'm allergic to them. :(

29. Are you married? Yep, for 3 and a half years now!

30. Always wear your seat belt? Yeah.

31. Been in a car accident? I've been in a couple ones where I may have been killed if not for my seat belt.

32. Any pet peeves? People who feel they need to give me all their opinions when I know they don't want mine.

33. Favorite pizza toppings? Pineapple, mushrooms, and spinach.

34. Favorite flower? I really like all flowers.

35. Favorite ice cream? See above. =P

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Taco Bell.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Haven't taken it yet.

38. From whom did you get your last email? I dunno, I usually have a ton of emails related to MyPoints and my blog every day.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? COSTCO!!

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Not really, I've been in bed for like 2 months now. xD

41. Like your job? Considering my job is just being a mom, yes. =)

42. Broccoli? It's ok.

43. What was your favorite vacation? Well, visiting friends and family of course. But after that, Mexico!

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? A handsome stranger... Nah, my husband. XD

45. What are you listening to right now? The noises of my kid and dog NOT SLEEPING because Steven gets home at 11pm and it totally ruins our sleep schedules. :(

46. What is your favorite color? Blue.

47. How many tattoos do you have? One, but after I'm not pregnant anymore, it will be 2. :)

48. Coffee drinker? Oh heck yes, I miss that stuff so much...

Pregnancy Update!

Week: 13.

Due date: November 28.

Symptoms: Nauseous and exhausted 24/7! :( Plus my eczema is flaring up.

Feeling: Still nervous about miscarrying but getting more hopeful since I heard the heartbeat last week. :)

Cravings: Bland food, starches mostly.

Aversions: Almost everything.

Sleep: I sleep a LOT. Nausea makes me drool in my sleep. >_<

Health: I'm a little anemic but other than that, good.

Exercise: I can't clean the house let alone exercise. :(

Labor signs: NO!

Wedding rings: I got my engagement ring when I was prego with Kay so I can wear that, but not my wedding band.

Looking forward to: Ultrasound next week!!!

Missing: Coffeeeeee!

Weight gain: 17 pounds already, ugh!

Movement: I think I felt fluttering at bed time the past few nights but not sure.

Stretchmarks: Just the old ones on my hips.

Gender: Don't know yet.

BabyCenter update: Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce. This is the last week of your first trimester, and your risk of miscarriage is now much lower than earlier in pregnancy. Next week marks the beginning of your second trimester, a time of relative comfort for many women who see early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness and fatigue subside. More good news: Many couples also notice a distinct libido lift around this time. Birth is still months away, but your breasts may have already started making colostrum, the nutrient-rich fluid that feeds your baby for the first few days after birth, before your milk starts to flow.

Other stuff: Kaylee talks to my belly every day and gives it kisses. She is convinced it's a girl and she wants to name her Brynna. She says if it's a boy, she'll name him "Boybee" hahah.

BabyCenter picture:

Belly picture:

I need to wear a tighter shirt and have someone else take the photo next time. xP

Birth Center Appointment

We get there, and we're late. The secretary hates me because I'm always late. I'm soo stressed. I talk to her about the insurance problem. She has to make a call. It takes forever. Finally, we work things out for the most part, and I'm going to be seen. She gives me a bunch of forms. I'm nauseous and worried. I keep filling stuff out wrong. There are a million trillion forms. I finish them, and we wait. My mom compliments someone's shoes and talks to someone's baby. I'm holding in my pee because I'm pretty sure they'll need me to pee in a cup.  I feel like I'm about to throw up.

A midwife comes out and calls us to come into an exam room. She has a million questions, all of which I answered less than 6 months ago with my last pregnancy. I can't remember the dates of anything. I can't do simple math. I can't remember when I first got my period. My mom answers most of the questions. I feel panicky.

Finally, I get on the table. The midwife, her name is Nikki, is very nice. I haven't met her before, she wasn't there when I was pregnant with Kaylee. I thought to myself that she must think I'm weird and/or stupid, but I don't really care. Anyway, my blood pressure is high. I tell her that this is normal for me because I have white coat phobia. So we move on, FINALLY, to the doppler. She begins to search for a heartbeat, and I swear time was passing SO SLOWLY. I was too afraid to be hopeful, too busy preparing myself for disappointment.

Then, we hear it. It's a heartbeat. I forget what the midwife said, and I know my mom was really excited, but I had tuned them out. My entire conscious is focused on that little heartbeat. I'm so relieved, so surprised, so happy. I'm in shock, smiling, my eyes filling with tears. It's too good to be true.

I get up, I feel like I'm floating out of the office. I'm not very polite in saying goodbyes. I did thank her twice. We make another appointment. I feel very detached and stupid. We go to the car. My mom is still really excited. I agree with her that it was amazing. I relax, feeling like it's the first time in years. I can't stop thinking about that beautiful sound. And I haven't since.

I'm still worried, but I'm hopeful. And that's definitely a step up from how it's been for the past couple months.

The midwife determined I was 12 weeks and my due date is November 28 (my birthday!) but I have to get an ultrasound and they'll base my final dates on that. I should be getting that in the next couple weeks. I'm so excited and scared. I can't wait to see the baby. :) I just wish I could stop worrying that something will be wrong.

Pregnancy Update :)

I hope everyone had a good Mother's Day! (Is it just me or is everyone excited that there's going to be a lot of chocolate on sale now?) I made that graphic up there messing around in PicMonkey. It's pretty neat, I'm glad they made something similar to Picnik. I was so sad when they shut down that site.

Anyway, Mother's Day was pretty nice here. Kaylee and I made a card for my mom, Steven and Kaylee made a card for my mother-in-law. They both seemed to love their cards. :) Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures of them, or any pictures that day. I wasn't feeling too well, and actually slept most of the afternoon.

I'm 12 weeks today, and still having pretty bad morning sickness and fatigue. Ugh, please tell me this will let up soon! I was never this sick with Kay... Good news is that my health insurance was supposedly put back into effect, bad news is I'm still waiting for the cards to come in. I'm going to the doctor either way on Thursday, I think/hope that even if I don't have my card yet, insurance will still pay for it.

I have been reluctant to do anything to bond with this pregnancy so far. I'm still really afraid of miscarrying. But I know I'll probably be pretty disappointed in myself later on if I didn't do everything I could to remember this time, so I decided to take some pictures. :)

Popping out so quickly, it must be mostly bloating...

This is how I looked around 5 months when I was prego with Kaylee!

Kay talks to the baby and gives it kisses every day... She says she's pretty sure it's a girl and she wants to name her Brynna, but if it's a boy she will call him Boybee LOL. Just because of that, I'm hoping it's a girl!

I Would Like To Apologize

I was wrong.

The other day, when I first saw the Time Magazine cover, it was accompanied by many, many negative comments. I got defensive, because I felt like the comments were all directed at me. I breastfed my daughter until she was 3 years old, so all of these people must think I am ridiculous, raising a spoiled as heck child, or even perverted. Really, I was shocked at the idea that I was an "extreme parent," and that extended breastfeeding was still a big deal in this day and age.

I missed the big issue entirely.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT BREASTFEEDING. This is not about attachment parenting. This is about Time Magazine making money. They are the ones that set this up to be a conflict among mothers. "Are You Mom Enough?" makes it seem like attachment parents are challenging mainstream parents to a duel. How ridiculous is that; we aren't separated clearly into 2 camps like that! There are so many parenting styles, and everyone has their own unique style that works best for their family.

Some moms breastfeed for 1 year, some for 2, some for more. Some moms breastfeed for 6 weeks, some moms formula feed, and some moms do a mixture of breastfeeding and formula feeding. (I did mixed feeding!!)  Some parents adopt, some are single parents, some are gay, some are single AND gay. There are many, many different types of parents! And we are ALL "mom enough." We are all amazing!!

I want to tell you about one of my friends. She formula fed her daughter. She is supportive of my choice to breastfeed. I am supportive of her choice to formula feed. It is not an issue. Our daughters are best friends and love to play together. They are both happy, healthy, smart, beautiful little girls. What is the moral? I really shouldn't even have to say it.

Thanks for reading and I do apologize for my last post, which after I re-read it, sounds as if I am ready to argue. But I am not. I support, accept, and applaud all other parents. We are all doing things the best way that works for us and the last thing any of us need is added judgment from fellow parents. If we should attack anyone, let it be Time Magazine. They had no business fanning the fires of the Mommy Wars just to get a reaction out of people and make more money.

"Extreme" Mother on Time Magazine Cover

Has everyone seen this? I've seen it in like 10 different places already. Apparently the image of a 3 year old breastfeeding is so shocking and horrifying that it's the latest buzz on the internet. I find it very strange that it's such a big deal. I mean, the kid is big for his age, he looks like he could be 5. So... what's wrong with breastfeeding a 5 year old again? No one told me that boobmilk becomes poisonous to humans at a certain birthday?

Of all the abusive mothers in the world, we're apparently going to focus on criticizing THIS mom's behavior. That makes sense, I mean the boy is clearly unhappy, unhealthy, and in danger. -_-

If breastfeeding rates were higher in America, we'd all think the sight was as normal as the sun rising. The funny part is, we DO find breastfeeding in other countries normal. Think about it. If you see tribal women topless or nude, it's normal. It's even on National Geographic magazines and it's completely accepted. If they breastfeed their kids, it's just another picture of normal tribal behavior. Why the double standard? Why is an American woman on Time any different than a tribal woman on National Geographic? We are all humans, born to nourish our children with our boobs. That's why we're called mammals, because of MAMMARY GLANDS.

Eventually, people are going to get over it. Breastfeeding rates are rising and that's a fact. There are going to be more and more pictures of nursing children and more people doing it in public. I'm going to tell my daughter than when she was little, the majority of people were very judgmental of me nursing her in public or at all when she was past age 1. And she will not believe me. That will be a really great day.

Vent and Photo Dump :)

So I think I'm starting to feel better... I still don't have much energy, but I can get up for at least a few hours a day. I'm really tired but no longer dizzy and weak. Sitting at the computer is fine now. Still super nauseous. :( I'm clinging to the hope that the nausea is supposed to get better by 13 weeks, which is in 2 weeks. I still have to wait another week and a half until my doctor appointment. I'm probably going to be having a panic attack the whole time. If we don't hear a heartbeat, I will probably cry, and if we do, I'll still probably cry. I start crying just thinking about it. I'm just a wreck, I want to know one way or the other. The worrying started when I took the home test 6 weeks ago. I won't have that moment of excitement, that "Oh my gosh, I'm Pregnant!" until I hear the heartbeat, until they tell me there's a living baby in there. I honestly can't believe I've survived this long without having a complete breakdown, though I THOUGHT I'd be having a doctor appointment before now, only to have to cancel it because my insurance was canceled and needed renewal. Talk about bad timing, I'm still so annoyed about that. I'm still waiting for the insurance to inform me that everything is good and its active again. We've decided that regardless, we're going to the May 17 appointment, if we have to pay for it out of pocket. I feel like calling the insurance place and yelling at them for making a pregnant person wait this long for a checkup, not to mention someone who's a nervous wreck because of 2 previous miscarriages. But of course, I won't, because I'm polite. >=/

Anyway, I've been hoarding pictures for a while now. ^^;

I have to get her to stop picking the flowers.


Some sort of weed? But still pretty. :)

Our rose bush makes the entire yard smell nice.

Nutella mouth.


The tattoo I want next. (But redrawn so it actually looks good!)

Hurricane Kaylee has struck once again.

She inherited the sleeping in funny positions thing from my brother lol.

One of her luvvies, Henry.


The way her hair curls is so cute!

Trying on hats in Target lol.

She looks like an old lady in a little girl's body hahah.

Giant cookie!

Snuggles. :)

I love Bucky Balls. xD


Just be glad pictures are silent. :P