We are home!!!!!

Kaylee needs close supervision so I won't be on much for now. Thanks everyone for your support! <3

Absolute Madness

I am always saying things are crazy around here. Well after these past few weeks, I will never say that again because I realize now that they are usually quite tame!!

Ok so, I guess I'll start at the beginning... The kids came got pretty sick a few weeks ago. I usually am not one to use medicine, but Brynna's double ear infections were not getting better and I couldn't keep her fever down. Kaylee was coughing until throwing up and having trouble breathing. When we had her checked up, her oxygen level was low. So for the first time for both of them, I decided to let the doctor prescribe us some meds.

The kids slowly got better, aside from Kaylee having a residual cough. But she started having some really weird behavior; misbehaving worse than she ever has before and pulling her hair out. She was running away in the mall, getting out of her car seat in the car, throwing and breaking dishes... It was bad. And she pulled so much of her hair out that we had to just shave her head.

Thursday, things started out ok. I thought she was either having a reaction to one of her meds and it would soon be out of her system, or acting out because she was sad about being told that her Gigi (my grandma) would be going to Heaven soon. She even had some fun accessorizing creatively, since she had no hair to click hair bows onto. I figured it would be fine to take her to the doctor the next day, and to the therapist and grief counselor the following week.

But then she started getting hyper, and she quickly got to the point where she was out of control. She spilled all of the dog food and started throwing it everywhere, and basically ran around destroying things all day long. I had to call my brother to help me control her so she wouldn't hurt herself. When Steven got home, we couldn't even get her bedtime routine started. We couldn't catch her to brush her teeth so we gave up, we couldn't get her dressed, she was running around naked. She was screaming, laughing, and crying in turns. We realized we could not make it until tomorrow to see her doctor, so we made the decision to take her to the ER.

Once there, I had to restrain her for hours while they tried to figure out what was wrong. They thought it might be a reaction to prednisolone, a steroid which was one of the meds prescribed to her for her upper respiratory infection. She got so bad, they gave her a sedative, but even that did not calm her down, only made her act drunk. I went home to get a few hours of sleep with the baby while Steven stayed with her, and when I got back she was being held down by 4 people and being given a strong sedative which completely knocked her out. She had such a bad bruise on her forehead that they had to check and make sure it wasn't a skull fracture.

I was informed of how awful it had been in the hours I was gone, and how they hadn't been able to figure out the cause. They had decided to transfer her to Children's Hospital for a more long term stay. My mom came to help, Steven tried to grab a couple hours of sleep, and we worried and waited for the transfer. Brynna was very cranky because we wouldn't let her try and wake up big sissy.

She was fully sedated still and remained so until she was transferred and settled in her new room at Children's. When she woke up, she was agitated, confused, and volatile. I tried to explain how dangerous she was to herself and others, and how the mild sedative (Adavan?) had not worked at all, but they tried it anyway. She gave herself more bruises and was upset all day while they took blood and did tests. It was rough. They finally sedated her with something else late that night and she slept through the night until Saturday morning. She had tests all day long including an MRI, lumbar puncture, EEG, blood tests, and others. She was also put into a giant padded crib bed so she couldn't hurt herself on the hospital bed rails. The good news is, she is no longer violent, but the bad news is she spent all of her conscious hours today crying. My heart was breaking for her. :( But I did not let it show in front of her, because I want her to feel that I am a completely positive force for her right now. Steven was also amazing and on hardly any sleep. He's my hero. <3

I went home to get some rest with the baby tonight (Saturday night) and I'm praying that Kaylee will sleep alright without me. They really don't want Brynna there since there is a no non-patient kids past 9pm rule. They made an exception the first night for me. I will be going back tomorrow at 9am which is when visiting children will be allowed in. I'll be updated by Steven all night and I'll be trying to get some sleep if I can. Honestly, I am so stressed and worried, I haven't been able to sleep even when I get the chance to. I wish they could just keep Kaylee sedated but they explained to me that it's dangerous to give her strong drugs so they won't unless absolutely necessarily. They also want to observe her behavior.

I am just absolutely dreading breaking the news to her that her Gigi passed away yesterday. I'll be putting that off as long as possible. I have not even allowed myself to feel the loss because I am afraid I will break down entirely. I know everything is going to hit me hard later on, but my one focus right now is staying strong for Kaylee.

I will update again when I can.

PS Thank you to Denise and Sue for the food, thank you to my mom for the help, thank you to my brother Harry for watching my dogs, thank you to Al for helping with the baby and my dogs, thank you to Laura for offering your home to me for as long as we are in the hospital near you. Thank you to all my friends and family for the support, concern, and prayers. I can't tell you all how much I appreciate everything!

Thankful Thursday

Today, and always, I am thankful for my grandma. I wish I could tell her in person how thankful I am for her, but she has been unconscious for a week now. I wish I had said all these things to her before, but since I can't go back in time, I'll say it here.

Gramma, thank you for rocking me for hours on end when I was a baby. Thank you for letting me crawl into your bed when I was a little kid and had a nightmare in the middle of the night. Thank you for always being the person I could run to when things got rough at home when I was a teenager. Thank you for always being on my side and standing up for me. Thank you for all your delicious food, your songs, your stories, and your wisdom. You have always been a hero to me, because you never ever give up. Whatever the obstacle, no matter how impossible everyone says it is, you overcome it with pure determination. Although you've always been physically tiny, you have the largest personality I have ever known, so you've always been the biggest, strongest presence in my life. I love you so much. I am so grateful I've been able to visit you so much this past couple weeks. I'm grateful I was able to bring the kids to see you, and it made you so happy to see them. I'm thankful I could bring you the simple happiness of strawberry ice cream, and that you were able to eat it and seemed to enjoy it so much. I'm thankful that you are not in the hospital anymore, but in a beautiful, homey place with caring staff. I'm so glad that you always have at least 1 family member there with you. I believe you are sleeping peacefully right now; I really hope you are. And I hope you can feel that my thoughts are always with you, and that I'm praying for you all the time. I love you, Gramma.

Wordless Wednesday

Link up your wordless/wordful photo posts! :) Taking a button is optional. For more Wednesday link-ups, check out my blog hop library.


When we were in TN, we went to the zoo with my cousins, Bev and Gavin, who are just so so awesome. Bev has always been like my cool aunt, and Gavin is just the most mature kid his age you'll ever meet. It was a lot of fun, we've been wanting to hang out with them for a while but life is just so busy. I realized I never shared the pics, so I figured I would. Afterall, it's my blog, so I can post what I want, when I want, right? :) By the way, don't look too closely at the Baboon, he's doing something kind of inappropriate... LOL. Oh and the last thing is an African Wild Dog, they're adorable; too bad I couldn't get a good pic.